America is sitting on vast reserves of an untapped resource that could energize and revitalize the country. It’s called friendship.

Many of us could be happier and healthier if we added more friendship to our lives, said William Chopik, an associate professor of psychological and brain sciences. 

“If you give people the tools to form new friendships or enrich their current friendships, their lives generally improve, which is exciting,” Chopik said. “Friendship could unlock a lot of happiness and good health for a lot of people. It’s a great opportunity.”

Chopik, who joined WashU this fall, spoke with the Ampersand about adult friendships, from college years to later in life. 

You’ve written or co-written multiple papers about friendship. Why is it such an important topic?

Friendship is a fundamental part of life, or at least it should be. Most people had friends when they were growing up. And interactions would seem so effortless and easy: You’d just watch TV at someone’s house or go somewhere to hang out. But adult friendships can be tricky, and the benefits can be subtle and complex. As an academic, I think it’s important to really drill into the meaning of friendship and the effects it can have on a person’s life and well-being. 

What are the benefits of friendship?

Friends add a lot to our lives. Even friends who are sometimes annoying or exhausting can add a richness to your life that you can’t get on your own.

Friendships are important for mental health. Mental health professionals see this all the time. Depressed patients tend to avoid friends and social situations. Helping them reestablish their close connections can be a crucial part of recovery. Of course, some people can get by with very few friends, and others with many friends still struggle with depression despite having many friends. But overall, good friendships are helpful for your mood and quality of life.

People with a lot of high-quality friendships also tend to be physically healthier than people who spend most of their time alone — they live longer, are more physically active, and typically score higher on several indicators of positive mental health. That’s partly because healthy, active people have more opportunities to meet others and more recreational options. For example, I was the lead author of a 16-year study of more than 23,000 middle-aged and older adults. The people who were healthiest at the beginning of the study had the greatest success making and maintaining friendships over the following 16 years. Friendship is just one of the perks of staying healthy.

Is there a friendship drought in this country?

I see a lot of loneliness out there, and public polling tends to confirm that people are struggling in ways that they weren’t in previous decades. Luckily, people are becoming more cognizant and aware of it. And it’s manifested in many different ways. One recent piece of coverage can be found in The New York Post, where I chatted with them in a story about the dismal state of American friendships. The Post reported on a time-use survey showing that two-thirds of adults have no in-person social interactions on a typical day. 

As dismal as that number sounds, it’s not especially surprising. As I told the paper, it is a common factor that affects people of all ages, and it’s hard to diagnose how bad it is right now—we have entire generations who struggle to make lasting friendships. But some of the friendship numbers seem worse today—people say they’re lonely and they’re worried about it.

Why are friends hard to find?

There’s no shortage of friendly, compatible people out there, but making friends isn’t as easy as it used to be. Technology and the ubiquity of options to keep people entertained and occupied may be one of many things making it worse. The same time-use survey showing a lack of socializing in person also found an explosion in time spent on phones. Some of that time is spent texting with friends, but there’s a difference between interacting through a phone and spending time with someone in person. The pandemic was also extremely disruptive to friendship networks, especially for people who were in their early adulthood years—it is a critical time for forming and learning how to navigate close relationships. In our work, we found that many people have improved since the pandemic, but not everyone has managed to rebuild the connections they lost.

There are also a lot of barriers that people construct in their own heads. Many people report being nervous or even afraid to strike up a conversation with someone on the MetroLink or at a coffee shop. In reality, studies show that people are receptive—and in some cases want and welcome a friendly conversation. The consensus from that research is that people may be a little too much “in their own heads” and too afraid to take the leap. But initiating a conversation is a prerequisite to building a friendship!

“College and early-life friendships can have a positive influence on your entire adult life.”

Is it necessary to have a lot of friends, or can just a few good friends make a big difference? 

Quantity matters. It’s better to have a lot of friends than just a few, even if not all of those friendships are incredibly fulfilling. 

But there are situations where just one good friend can make a big difference. For example, studies have found that having a single friend at work can greatly increase your job satisfaction. If you have that one solid friend at work or in your life, hold on to them. But in general, there is a modest correlation between the number of friends and physical and mental health, but of course quality matters as well. 

What are the hallmarks of a high-quality friendship?

A good friend supports you in different ways, both practically and emotionally. They’ll give you a ride to the airport or help you with a household repair. They’ll also listen to your problems and maybe offer advice. But enjoying their company and spending time communicating with them are the real and foundational parts of friendship. If it’s not someone you want to spend time with, you can’t really count them as a friend. 

Are friendships especially important during the college years?

Absolutely. I am currently working on a study that examined people who graduated from Harvard in the early 1960s and followed them through the rest of their lives (to the present). At the time of graduation, the participants rated the quality of their friendships. Fifty years later, we found that the people with the best friendships in college had the most positive recollections of their lives and the best mental and physical health. 

Those friendships formed in a different era, but the lesson still holds. College and early-life friendships can have a positive influence on your entire adult life. Even if you don’t stay close with the same people after you graduate, you can have good memories and an understanding of the importance of friendship. 

What is your advice for people who would like to add more friendship to their lives?

The first step is to give yourself more opportunities to meet people. Strike up conversations. Introduce yourself to a stranger. Take up hobbies or join a club. Meeting new friends starts with meeting new people.

Once you’ve made a connection, it’s important to really listen to the other person. Take an active interest in their lives. Remember names and details. The biggest step — and often the biggest challenge — is to make plans and follow through. I don’t want to strip away the mystery, but you really do have to put things on a calendar and make a commitment. It might not be the most exciting advice, but it’ll keep you accountable and interacting regularly. The rest is up to our natural inclinations as a social species. Odds are you’ll start to like them more and more.

Friendship can take work, but it’s ultimately worth the effort.